Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
