So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
should my penis look like a turkey
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize
