What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize