If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
