Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize