Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
