I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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