btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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