And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
it glows. i had to have it.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
