I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize