Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
