Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
