It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I can't turn off my feet"
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
