were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
