saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
