You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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