He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize