I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
