i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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