i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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