My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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