Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
