i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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