It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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