wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
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