I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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