it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
