I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
