dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
What did we do last night that was yellow?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Randomize
