I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I think my moral compass just broke
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