I'm so fucking centered right now
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
