Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize