You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
