The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize