I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
