addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
