Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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