Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Fuck me I smell like cheese
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
