I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You made out with two different species that night
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
