So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
