She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
