tell your sister to shave her snatch
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
