I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
should my penis look like a turkey
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
