is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
