So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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