I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
