i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
