Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
