Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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