Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
That's when you crack a 10am beer
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
