What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
