May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
We don't watch enough power rangers
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I'm always down for nudity.
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