You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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