i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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