He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
