The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
