Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
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