I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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