I wannas sexs uuuuu
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
