i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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