and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
