who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
