I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Randomize
