You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
