worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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