I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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