Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
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