Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
