I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize