Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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