In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
