Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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